Ask the Ninja!

Q: It's been rumored that ninjas are better than pirates. Why is this so?

Submitted by Patrick, 20, on December 5, 2005
A: That's a good question, and it's obvious that ninjas are better than pirates. Ninjas have known for their stealth, cunning, speed, courage, and intelligence. Pirates, however, are limited by their cumbersome boats and their limited swordsmanship and firepower. Moreover, pirates do not possess the ability to develop revolutionizing methods for healing bone fractures!

Q: Ok, so ninjas are clearly 42.0 times cooler than pirates. But is that because pirates only have one eye, one hand, and one leg? And what's the deal with the asymmetry there? Does it stem from some sort of strange seafaring contra- or ipsilateral neglect syndrome?

Submitted by Patrick, 20, on December 6, 2005
A: We agree with you that ninjas are 42.0 times cooler than pirates. However, not all pirates have one eye, one hand, and one leg. Some have a combination of those attributes. As for answers to your other questions, you might try asking for more information about pirates (because ninjas don't care about pirates) at Wikipedia. They have many experts there that can help you.
Presumably someone there knows something about pirates.

Q: But what IS lightning?

Submitted by Sam, 17, on March 1, 2006
A: Lightning is basically static electricity (on a very large scale) that jumps from a thundercloud to the ground or to another cloud.
During a storm, positive and negative charged particles form in clouds or the air. The charges are separated into electric fields that contain a lot of energy. The electric discharge, or flow of electrons, that occurs to dispel this energy is what forms the bolt of lightning. An average bolt of lightning has enough energy to power a 100 watt light bulb for 2 months!
More information about lightning can be found on Wikipedia. Free encyclopedias searchable via the Internet are your friends.

Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Submitted by Phil, 12, on April 12, 2006
A: A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
For reference, the Wall Street Journal quotes wildlife expert Richard Thomas as calculating that the average groundhog moves approximately 1 m³ (35 cubic feet), or 320 kg (700 pounds), of dirt when digging a burrow.

Q: What is my name?

Submitted by Ryan, 15, on April 28, 2006
A: Be cool and stay in school! (Not toying with ninjas who can actively dynamize your leg also helps.)

Q: What will happen if a ninja rides a hippopotamus?

Submitted by James, 21, on May 10, 2006
A: Ninjas have never been scared of anything. However, the hippo is a formidable animal, and has been reported to bite whole crocodiles and boats in half. Its temperament is another issue; some report that its temperament is unpredictable, while this page seems to disagree, claiming (see the very bottom) that hippos only become angry when provoked or in danger. So if you're not a member of the High Performance Ninjas, please take precautions when riding on hippos!

Submitted by Lance, 9, on May 15, 2006
A: Good question!

Q: Do ninjas always work alone, or can they sometimes combine as an ION (International Order of Ninjas)?

Submitted by Catherine, 14, on May 29, 2006
A: Ninjas can work alone if need be, of course. However, the High Performance Ninjas always work as a team, and our teamwork is what allowed us to develop our project. You would do well to work well with your classmates and friends. As for the international stage, if we did go international, you might never even hear about it. But we're really thinking about the entire solar system, and we're starting with Mars!

Q: Do ninjas always work alone, or can they sometimes combine as an ION (International Order of Ninjas)?

Submitted by Catherine, 14, on May 29, 2006
A: We just answered this question! (This is a public service reminder to always submit by clicking once.)

Q: Are pirates jealous of ninjas, will they go after them?

Submitted by Catherine, 14, on May 29, 2006
A: We think from your questions that you might be a pirate. Does that answer your question? (zing!)

Q: Are aleons fake or real ?????????
Q: how many ninjelafints can you kill at once
Q: I would like to know what you, being a ninja, think of how ninjas are portrayed in movies and in anime?
Q: as a ninja who do you most look up to?
Q: can a ninja beat chuck norris in a fight?
Q: is there any real ninjas on this website because if there is you should take them more seariasley
Q: Can u defeat an ancient evil/ powerful being that can make a supernova in a snap of a finger?
Q: can a ninja take on god?
Q: what do you think about the soccer worldcup?
Q: can you teach me some ninja skills to kick my sisters [bad word removed] because i cant beat her, she is 15 and she has trained in ju-jitsu since she was 7. please help me get back some honour. your rabid squirrelmonkey josh
Q: I challenge you to a dual. 1 on 1 no sneak attacks tonight at a time I will decide. I shall prove the fighting Monk can distory a Ninja HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Q: why are you just a [bad word removed] parody of the ninja from www.askaninja.com?
Q: Your not a real NINJA! RAR!
Q: If a ninja tried to kill the Rice Owl mascot, what would happen to him?
Q: whats my name
Q: im thinking of a number 1-10 what is it?
Q: do aleans have "it"
Q: How many times have The Edmonton Oilers Beat The Calgary Flames? All time Record Regular Season and Playoffs. You probably already know but these teams are in the National Hockey League. I tried to find it on the Web and no such luck.
Q: What's the difference between Samuris and Ninjas?
Q: would like to know what the least dangerous, least knowledgable, and least respected ninja is like.
Q: how do i kill a ninja

Submitted by many people
A: hmm....