|February 7, 2004|
Bush's Brain, "WMD", Found!
By John O'Henry and D.A. MackerbashBaghdad, Iraq--
Early Saturday morning, during a routine search of the remaining
restaurants in Baghdad, a shocking discovery was made: the brain of
George W. Bush was found, packed in ice and apparantly still alive,
in a freezer behind a hidden door. Testing in a U.S. military laboratory
revealed that the brain was also the "Weapons of Mass Destruction" that
have eluded UN inspectors and the U.S. military alike.
Members of Congress were stunned. Some exchanged money in settlement of
bets regarding whether Bush actually had a brain. Others considered
whether there should be a new vote to determine if Bush or his brain should
now rule the country. "When Bush didn't win the election," explained
Senator Robbingson (R-Kansas), "no one knew he had a brain. If we take
a new vote now between Bush and his brain, one of them is surely bound to win.
That would give legitimacy to the present administration." However, Bob
Jones, an anaylist at a prominent think-tank in Washington, D.C., says a new
vote is unnecessary. "Now that the administration has located the Weapon of
Mass Destruction, they have total legitimacy regardless of how they got into
the White House or why they waged this war. The end always justifies the means,
especially when there is a happy ending. And what could be happier:
Bush and his brain have been reunited! The American public is bound to be
White House officials were speechless. When asked whether this discovery
presented a contradiction, one official, speaking on condition of anonymity,
replied, "What's a contradiction?"