February 7, 2004

Bush's Brain, "WMD", Found!

By John O'Henry and D.A. Mackerbash

Baghdad, Iraq--

Early Saturday morning, during a routine search of the remaining restaurants in Baghdad, a shocking discovery was made: the brain of George W. Bush was found, packed in ice and apparantly still alive, in a freezer behind a hidden door. Testing in a U.S. military laboratory revealed that the brain was also the "Weapons of Mass Destruction" that have eluded UN inspectors and the U.S. military alike.

Members of Congress were stunned. Some exchanged money in settlement of bets regarding whether Bush actually had a brain. Others considered whether there should be a new vote to determine if Bush or his brain should now rule the country. "When Bush didn't win the election," explained Senator Robbingson (R-Kansas), "no one knew he had a brain. If we take a new vote now between Bush and his brain, one of them is surely bound to win. That would give legitimacy to the present administration." However, Bob Jones, an anaylist at a prominent think-tank in Washington, D.C., says a new vote is unnecessary. "Now that the administration has located the Weapon of Mass Destruction, they have total legitimacy regardless of how they got into the White House or why they waged this war. The end always justifies the means, especially when there is a happy ending. And what could be happier: Bush and his brain have been reunited! The American public is bound to be satisfied."

White House officials were speechless. When asked whether this discovery presented a contradiction, one official, speaking on condition of anonymity, replied, "What's a contradiction?"

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